12 Hours that Changed Our Lives

 

 

 

12 Months that Taught Us How to Live

and

12 Lessons for Christmas

 

Janice and I wanted to send out an update before we left for Boston to be with the boys this Christmas.  The decision has been made to go to Seattle for the bone marrow transplant.  We will leave sometime in January or February for at least 3 ½ months.  After two weeks of testing and typing, Janice will have 100 days of treatment before returning home.  I will commute every couple of weeks back to Nashville for business.  We chose Seattle because it is one of the top hospitals for the procedure she needs and also because we have a great support system of friends and family that can stay with Janice when I need to be in Nashville. Needless to say, 2005 will be another hectic, scary year, but we look forward to a fairly sedate Christmas and New Year’s celebration. 

 

We are quickly approaching the one year anniversary of Janice’s diagnosis. I must admit that over the last few weeks, I have been struck a number of times with the thought that one year ago I was living life as normal, approaching the holiday season, looking forward to Elliott coming home and my parents and sister joining us in Tennessee for Christmas.  I had no clue of what was about to invade our lives.

 

I remember the whirlwind day we found out about Janice’s cancer. It all started with a quick trip to the eye doctor to change her glasses prescription, the doctor’s words that the problem wasn’t her eye and his recommendation for an MRI. Our confusion and attempts to act like it was nothing accompanied us to the hospital.  We went home and received the phone call that they had found a mass behind her eye and we needed to return immediately to the hospital for more x-rays and a CAT scan.  I vividly remember Janice’s emotional response to the news, my call to our boys to ask them to come home immediately, standing at the end of the long hospital hall watching my parents and our friends the Marshalls hurry to our side.  As I think back, the year jumps from one event to the next: doctors’ visits, hospital stays, trips to the pharmacy, sleepless night of fear - it all merges into an incredibly gray fog, which in some ways feel as if we entered it just yesterday and in others that we have wandered through it for years.

 

In the middle of this fog, there have been incredible patches of light and color: friends who have laughed, cried and prayed with us; people whom we have known for years, and many whom we never knew prior to last December 29^th, who have cared for us, come alongside us, held us up when we haven’t been able to stand, 

 

All of this to say, it has been one hell of a year. But through it all we are left with no doubt that God (YHWH-Jireh, the Lord will provide) has truly provided all of our needs.

 

I have always been very pragmatic about my faith. Even though I have always known that “the Lord helps those who help themselves” is not scriptural, I must admit that most of my life I based my day-to-day faith on this phrase as if it were indeed a scriptural principle. I must say now that there is nothing like cancer to bring one to their knees.  I know that no matter how much I “help myself,” life is out of my realm of control: God is in control. Normally, these words tend to flow off my lips with little or no thought, but when pondered, I realize that as a human who wants to work hard and control my destiny, the thought of doing so is almost laughable. In the realm of what matters, I control little to nothing. My task in life is to be a good steward of what I have been given, good/bad, sickness/health, better/ worse.

 

I realize now that God has been preparing me, my whole life, for this year.

 

Finally, here is my list of twelve lessons I have learned over the past year - twelve prayers for you this Christmas:

 

1. Love your wife (spouse) – My love for Janice has always fallen somewhere between the verse that calls your wife a help-meet and Tom Cruise’s words to Renee Zellweger in the movie, Jerry Mcquire, “You complete me.” This Christmas I am overwhelmed, more than ever, with the thought that without Janice, I am only half of a person; with her is the only time I feel complete.  I panic at the thought of loosing her. Our bond is sacred, ordained of God,
2. Love your children – This parenting thing is strange. You decide to have children when you are ignorant enough to not have a clue what you are getting into, like buying a puppy, and before you know it your home is inhabited by this little thing that poops and farts and then it outgrows it’s cuteness and starts to smell like dirty tennis shoes and it talks back.  I have always had a tendency to mock parents who make a big deal of the empty nest syndrome. But now Janice and I find ourselves alone, like two birds sitting in a crudely constructed circle of twigs and string, surrounded by broken shells, wondering how the time passed so quickly. Elliott and Taylor now live over 1,000 miles away in Boston, and our home is quiet and feels empty. In the midst of all this change I can’t imagine what my life would be without my sons. I am proud of how they have handled this year of crisis, proud of how they have risen to the occasion and have begun to tackle the long journey towards becoming men.
3. Appreciate and love your parents – I wrote in update #23, “Don’t ever take your mother (parents) for granted; at some point you may need what they have always been willing to provide.” My parents brought me into the world, gave me life, and modeled Christ in our home.  Even at 52 years old, when I found myself feeling lost and overwhelmed in the last year, they were the first people I called. I realize this isn’t easy for everyone, not everyone is blessed with parents like mine.
4. Pay attention to your friends – Friendships truly are the best gifts in life.  Janice and I have been overwhelmed by the love, prayers, and affection of our friends during this year.  Instead of isolating ourselves, we have told the truth and opened our lives to those who accept us as we are – broken and scared.  They have been our strength when we have been weak.
5. Embrace your church – We attend an incredible church, St. B’s (Bartholomew’s) as we affectionately call it. When I was discussing our church with a dear friend, Al Andrews, he said, “You know what I tell people when they ask me why I go to St. B’s? I say it is because the worship team is in the loft behind me, the cross is in front, and everyone in the pew belongs in a 12 step program.” Our church is a body of believers comprised of life’s wounded. As good as our lives seemed to be up until last December, we now dwell in the ranks of the wounded. The blood of Christ which flows off His cross washes over us each week and reminds me that, “Surely he hath borne our grief and carried our sorrows; he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him.” (Isaiah 53: 4a-5).
6. Give thanks for your health – This has been the focus of our year. In spite of Janice’s multiple myeloma, she has remained in fairly good health.  Unlike other myeloma patients, she does not suffer from pain.  She is currently in remission, and though we know this stage won’t last, we thank God every day for her progress.
7. Appreciate each day – Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you…plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.” Live in the present – we never know what tomorrow holds for us. 
8. Put your possessions in perspective – When is enough, enough? What is it that I really need? This Christmas season, Janice and I really don’t “need” any gifts.  We have all that we need – each other, our boys, the peace of Christ, and hope for the future.
9. It’s not all about me – Donald Miller, in his book Blue Like Jazz makes this profound statement: “The most difficult lie I have ever contended with is this: Life is a story about me.” This year I have seen this lie for what it is. While my story always played center stage in my life, I have learned that everyone around me has their own story. Ours for the most part has been Janice’s cancer, but it has been mind boggling how many others have their own traumas and disasters.  We need to tell each other our stories, for an example of survival and a source of hope.
10. Experience God’s presence – The world is a loud, crass whore who screams suggestive remarks at us, flaunts her body and tries to lure us into her web.  Lately, the world seems insane and most people appear to think it’s acceptable or normal.  This year has taught us to desperately try and focus on the giver of truth, His reality, and what He deems important for our lives.
11. Make space for His advent – The month of December is a time to wait for the coming of the Christ. Most of us are too busy to practice the concept of waiting.  For us this year has been a year of waiting: for doctor reports, test results, improved health, etc. It has been an incredible experience this Advent to be able to wait and focus on the coming of Christ. When we wait for Him, He never fails to come to us and embrace us with love. Our prayer this season is Come thou long expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free. From our fears and sins release us; Let us find our rest in Thee.”
12. Bow before the Christ Child – Janice wrote in her book One Silent Night, “No matter how life changes, each year the baby can still be found in the manager,” He is here, he is not silent. He makes his presence known in the cry of a baby, the softness of His skin, the smell of a newborn. Alive, tangible, Emanuel, God is with us. He is our hope and salvation in a life that quite often makes no sense at all…we are not alone.

 

And now, may the Lord bless you and keep you,

may the Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you peace.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

 

Jim and Janice

 

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