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 Thursday, April 22, 2004
Frederick Buechner wrote in GODRIC, “So ever and again young Godric’s dreams well up to flood old Godric’s prayers, our prayers and dreams reach God in such a snarl he has to comb the tangle out, and who knows which he counts more dear.”
Wednesday, April 21st
It is overcast and raining this afternoon in Nashville, appropriate weather for the news I just received. We are definitely off the original and the revised schedules for my stem cell transplant.
This morning, dear Mel Tunney drove me to Dr. Greer’s office for the second round of pre-admission tests. Along the way, we chatted about our husbands and children and caught up on what’s been happening in our lives. I told her I was living “one day at a time.” That’s all I can manage, because the future, with all its scheduled surgeries and procedures, seems overwhelming.
While Mel read in the waiting room, I returned to Nurse Marsha’s blood-extrication room. She filled five tubes with one just poke! That was the good news for the day.
Then I had another “straight in and out catheterization” – meaning: tube inserted directly to the bladder. The nurse said she was using a different tube, a Foley, I think she called it. Some difference – this one felt only slightly smaller than a garden hose.
I waited for Dr. Kassim and Sharon, my practitioner, to bring the test results. When they walked in the door, I could tell from their expressions that they did not bear good news. My white blood cell count was 23,000 while a normal count ranges from 4,000 – 10,000. Such a high number indicated that my white cells were desperately fighting infection. But where was it lurking? Dr. Kassim checked my heart and lungs twice, looked in my mouth, nose and ears. Nothing visible. I lay back on the examining table and he pressed on my abdomen and sides. “Does it hurt here? Here? Here?” My answer to each was “No, no, and no.” All three of us were puzzled as to why the count, and my temperature, were so high.
Dr. Kassim and Sharon said they needed to check a few more numbers, and sent me home to wait for their phone call. I told Mel on the drive back, “Well, now I’m living half-day at a time.”
Just before 4:00, Dr. Greer called with the bad news. My myeloma had “progressed faster than anticipated,” which means since I stopped taking Thalidomide and steroids on Easter weekend, in just twelve days, the cancer had rapidly multiplied and re-entered my blood stream. This gave the doctor “great concern” (not words I wanted to hear). Once again, Thursday’s catheter insertion was canceled, along with the Cytoxan (chemo) scheduled for Friday. Both would be pointless, as would be a harvest on May 3, as the collection would mainly contain myeloma cells.
Dr. Greer consulted with Dr. Murphy (oncologist) and together they decided to start me on a regime of Velcade (Vell-kade). This is not a chemo, but a relatively new drug designed to inhibit myeloma cell growth and cause the cells to die. (For more information than you ever wanted to read on this drug, visit www.multiplemyeloma.org and follow the link for myeloma treatment.
I spoke on the phone with Dr. Murphy after my conversation with Dr. Greer, to ask more about Velcade and when I would begin treatment. Though the side effects listed on the myeloma website are frightening (nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, fever, numbness or tingling in extremities, and vomiting), Dr. Murphy said his patients rarely experience any side effects and my response should be less severe than those resulting from Thalidomide and steroids. So if I’m lucky, and God answers prayers, I may not suffer from any of those disgusting possibilities. (Just so you know, I’ve learned it is possible to have constipation and diarrhea at the same time. This body function report brought to you by a reluctant AARP member.)
It took me a while to stop crying after talking with both doctors. Admittedly, I am disappointed. My emotions vacillate between despair, frustration, and fear. But, still, in my heart, I know that God has control and perfect timing.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
I was in Dr. Murphy’s office this morning at 9:00 for my first doses of Velcade and Aranesp and to set up another “subject-to-change” schedule. Velcade will be administered through an IV on days 1 (today), 4, 8, and 11, with a 10-day rest period before the next cycle. Aranesp, an expensive shot ($1,080 each), boosts red cell growth and will be injected every other week. Currently, my red cell count is at a very low 27; if it drops to 25, a blood transfusion is required. In six weeks, my myeloma and blood levels will be checked again. If cancer counts are high and evident in my blood stream, I will repeat a cycle of Velcade. If cancer and blood counts are low enough for Dr. Murphy to repeat “you are markedly better” and “there is hardly any residual cancer in your bone marrow,” I’ll immediately have the stem cell transplant. (May it be so.)
A flicker of hope returned to me today, even as it rains. When I’m tempted to ask “Why?” I realize the futility of such a question. Instead, I cling to what I know to be true. God is present, God is with me. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is God’s faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23) Every morning, as I aspire to live one day at a time, I will pray for strength for whatever waits for me, for grace to live without fear, for faith in a total healing. And every morning, God’s compassion will wrap around me like a warm blanket. This I believe. May we, every new morning of our lives, find comfort in God’s presence.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. Jim and I are so grateful for your love and friendship.
Janice "All material, unless otherwise noted, are owned and copyrighted by Janice Chaffee and James Chaffee, © 2004, 2005, 2006. Permission is granted to forward e-mails, or print for personal use only. No portion of these updates may be quoted in part or whole in any published material or on any internet site without authorization from authors.” |
